While it's fresh...

Okay - I went to see it yesterday. My first thought?

THIS IS WHY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS SHITTING BRICKS!?

To quote Ray Nagin's immortal words: You've got to be fucking kidding me!

I've hardly ever seen a shallower movie! Did I say in my last post that I would go to see it because of Hanks? Forget it! He played as if he were wearing leg irons - and, funnily, the same was true for Jean Reno! It became clear to me as the credits rolled: Executive Producer: Dan Brown. He must've stood there during the takes with a loaded gun, or else actors such as these would've run circles around the guy! But no, they were both trotting along the plot, which was even more predictable than in the book, as if they were driftwood! I mean, I can't really be the only one who knew after about a third of the book that Sophie was Jesus' great-great-great-ad infinitum-granddaughter! Can I?

Oh, the chick... Audrey Tautou has beautiful eyes, and looks pretty hot, too, if a bit anemic and bulimic, but she can't act. I didn't buy her cryptographic skills. Not for one bloody microsecond.

The only performance worth mentioning was - NOT Paul Bettany as Silas. Ian McKellen played a believable and funny Sir Teabing, but that was about it from the actors. I kinda liked the historic flashbacks blended into the running film, but that was about it from the originality.

Apart from that? Forget it.

Millions of Catholics can let out their collective breath. Fuck it, this blog is more blasphemic than either the book or the movie.