Told you so! (II)

Did I or did I not mention at one point in this blog that they elected the pope they deserved? I think I did, I don't even have to look that up in the archives...

He's done it again - another pointless speech by another pointless guy, this time re-inforcing the stance of the Clusterfuck Society (tm): "Gay marriage is not negotiable."

I'm not going to go into the details of this, but another little thing he mentioned in his speech (supposedly, I didn't really hear it...) Here it is:

"Seminarians should learn how to celebrate Mass in Latin, and faithful can be taught to recite the more common prayers in Latin."

Ah... here he is! The right-wing traditionalist at his best! I mean, they have enough problems with people chosing to leave the Clusterfuck Society(tm), with priests & little girls & boys, with priests slowly becoming extinct, with people not understanding the basics of the inner workings of the church - and now they want to use an extinct language to make it more... what? More dignified?

Hey, Razzi! That won't fucking work!

I mean, get real! People hardly know what they are saying in English, German, French or whatever language you want when they sheepishly repeat everything the Alzheimer patient behind the altar is preaching to them - does the top brass think, they'll get it better (or value it more, for that matter) if it's recited in a dead language?

On the other hand... a dead language for a dead church... now that I think of it, maybe it's the right thing to do.

I've changed my mind! Go ahead! Do it in Latin!

Just make sure you pronounce it correctly, or you'll have hordes of Latin teachers rolling all over the floor, laughing their asses off.

Spam, Spam, Wonderful Sperm...

Here's one of the little gems you may find in your inbox/spam filter today. Normally, I just delete these without ever giving them a glance at all. I check for false positives and that's that.

Out of something between sheer boredom and morbid interest (the same kind of morbid interest that grabs you when you drive past a car accident and ease your foot off the accelerator slightly), I took a look at this one (didn't click any of the links included in it, mind you). I actually had to read it more than once to actually believe what I read there.

Well... no. I don't really want to ejaculate five times more! Five more times, yeah, but five times more? Like... I don't like my bed to be wet! Also, I don't want to use five times more tissues when I jerk off!

Now, alright, some guys (and even gals) may find this appealing, but I'd guess those are in a kinky minority. Especially the ones looking for (check the ad!) "improved flavor."

After reading it for the second time and being impressed at just how many typos fit into such a small message, I got to wonder about another thing.

Do they really sell a lot of "WonderCum", as they call the stuff?

How freakin' fuckin' fantastically stupid would one have to be to actually believe in the content of the message!? Does anybody ever write to them, "Yes, please do send me family package of WonderCum, I want to paint my walls off-white!"?

You know... I got curious, so I fired up Google, and actually found this:http://wonderspurm.net/index.php (check out that domain... it had me spewing coffee over my keyboard!)

The text on this jewel of a website starts by saying "Achieve the feeling of complete ecstasy while having ball blowing orgasms. This is an experience like no other!"

'Scuse me? "Ball blowing orgasms"? I don't want my balls to be blown! I may want my dick blown, but that's a different matter!

Especially funny are the "Testimonials" (wonder why they didn't call them Testiclemonials - I may have to "tm" that!). There we find this literary gem:

"Sir, your product works like no other. I managed better ejaculation in just 2 weeks of usage. Dying to see the results after eight weeks."(John 38, Canada)

Better ejaculation, eh, John? I always knew those Canucks were pussies.

Honest, guys - did you ever have a bad ejaculation!? I for my part haven't - and I've had lots of them (on and off chicks), and not a single one of them was bad or worth improving! I mean, that's like trying to improve chocolate. It just doesn't need to be improved.

Is this really a viable business model? Do they have a lot of customers? Do they make money!?

The (very sad) fact is... they probably do. Just judging by the average IQ of the people surrounding us every day, we have to (ruefully) admit that these guys are probably getting filthy stinking rich.

Ain't the world an unfair place?