Quick or Slow?

Should I be holding back until the court proceedings are done, or is it clear-cut enough? I think it is. He admitted the deed. I won't post a picture of the alleged perp, because I don't want to give him or his buddies another datapoint of appearances on the web. But the guy who did this to the people of Norway is in custody, he's being questioned, he's got a lawyer, and the state attorney will make damn sure there are no formal issues that might let the fucker off the hook.

Now, what's going to happen?

Chances are, he'll get a life sentence, possibly with added preventive custody (I don't know if Norwegian law knows preventive custody). A life sentence in many countries in Europe means somewhere around 20 to 25 years. With a good prognosis and good behavior, parole becomes a possibility after, say, 10 to 15 years. So, depending on proceedings and future developments, the guy may get released eventually. No, you say? Don't think it's possible? Think again. Remember the guy who bombed PanAm Flight 103? He's out, and he killed 259 people.

Chances are, during the prison term his followers and buddies will show up outside the prison, raising signs and their right arms, chanting his praise and requesting him to be set free. Don't think that will happen? Think again. Hitler's birthday is celebrated by idiots around the world every year, and the press is watching with morbid curiosity every time. This guy describes himself in his manifesto (1'500 pages!) as the worst monster since the end of World War II, as if he's proud of it. I'll bet he sees himself as the latest shining figure of fascism, helping to rid the world of the oh-so-evil liberal forces.

Chances are, he might write a book during his term. He's almost done that before his deed (see above), and with the sensationalist media hot for sensational material, the press would suck it up no questions asked. It might be published and make him rich even in prison. Who knows?

Chances are, he gets three warm meals a day for the rest of his life, bought and paid for by the taxes which the relatives of his victims continue to pay. Okay, he might also get something warm up his ass on a regular basis, since killers and molesters of children are not looked upon in a friendly way in prison hierarchies around the world. I hope Norway is no different.


Chances are, the press will give him a voice, and even though the majority of mankind will shake their heads at any ramblings he might produce, there'll be a group of people who will hang on every word he says. That is despite the fact that he's agreed on a psychological evaluation. Make no mistake: this guy is intelligent. Highly intelligent, I claim. He never showed up on the radar, he kept to himself, he planned the attacks meticulously, and he proceeded with calm and coldness. Think about this: he placed the bomb and left for the island where he killed all these youngsters during more than 90 minutes. That's one and a half hour of aiming, shooting, reloading. It was highly methodical.

So. Should he go to prison? Yes. But not for long.

My advice? Do it the Chinese way. A bullet costs a couple of cents. Shoot the fucker in the back of his head, ditch him in a dirt hole and let his corpse rot. Strike his name out of history, don't let him be remembered. Forget the scumbag.

Forever.

Control Freaks

When it's time to throw out your old CRT TV set and replace it with something slightly larger and more modern, there's a certain excitement associated with that. Then add a new DVD player and a decent home cinema, along with a change of your cable provider to round off the whole thing and you're quite ready for some new media experiences which make watching a movie slightly more interesting.

Until... well, until you need to switch it on. You've unwrapped all those remote controls, looked at them, put in the batteries and set them aside for the moment, but there comes a point in time when you need to deal with them. No way around it, because (except for the DVD player) none of the devices you acquired has any control buttons to speak of.

Alrighty, then! TV on with one remote, DVD on with the other, press Play on the DVD remote...

Oookay... nothing happens. Wait a few seconds. The TV goes doodle-dee-ding! Oh, cool! Start-up sounds on a TV, that's new. And now? Well? C'mon!

Ah. "No source signal" in beautifully colored and rendered letters on the new 60" 3D screen. Wait a sec! There was something about a loop through the home cinema system! Yes! Take the next remote, switch on the home cinema. Take the TV remote, change the source...

Now, which fucking port did I plug that cable into? Climb behind the TV, take off the glasses... can't read that... wait... need a flashlight!

Get the key-ring with the emergency mini flashlight. Climb behind the TV again... oh, okay. HDMI4. Climb back out, readjust the TV again, try not to throw over the potted plant next to the new equipment, also try not to step on the DVD player. Fiddly electronic devices don't like that too much.

Get the TV remote again and switch the source to HDMI4.

Wow! Cool! Now... where did I put the DVD remote again...? Here. Press Play...

WHOA!!! That's waaay too loud! Find the home cinema remote and lower the volume... there. That's better. Really fantastic image quality and sound. Enjoy the Blu Ray experience for a couple of minutes. Nice!

Alright, it's time to watch the news... find the TV remote, and switch the source to Cable. Find the DVD remote to switch it off, since there's still sound coming over the speakers. Oh, yes. Find the home cinema remote and switch it off, since the cable TV sound comes over the speakers of the TV.

No Signal!? What the fuck!?

Ah. Find the cable decoder box remote and switch it on. That should do the trick!

No signal again. Hm.

At that point you acquire a kind of blank stare, while in the background your little gray cells start digesting information and gears are grinding in your mind until...

Yes! Why didn't I think of that!? Of course the cable box provides HD TV as well, so you connected it to one of the myriad of HDMI ports. But which one?

Climbing exercise again. Oh, right. The flashlight. HDMI1.

Grab the TV remote, switch the source.

FUCK! That's LOUD again!

At that point, you instinctively grab the home cinema remote, and frantically try to lower the volume, but nothing happens. The neighbors must be slightly unnerved by now. Your eyes sweep the remains of the packaging and all the remotes, the gears start to grind again... TV remote! Quick! Hammer the Volume Down button like crazy, but nothing happens.

Wait! The decoder box remote! It has a volume button, too! This one finally does the trick.

Now, when your ears stop ringing, that's when you decide to switch the whole thing off for a moment. You put the four (4!) remote controls on the living room table, arrange them neatly, and then suspiciously eye them for a long time.

At least, that's my story. And it's my solid conviction that the people who engineer these things are fucking sadists! They have not a frigging clue about usability, interface engineering, standardization, and ergonomy. Instead, they're electronics engineers. Only. Nobody ever had a tighter focus or more anal fixation than these guys - and trust me, ladies, they must be men! I've seen women try to operate these things and going crazy. Haven't seen them since they went into therapy. And I've seen men grind their teeth in frustration (I'm one of them!) trying to come to terms with about 200 buttons, just trying to watch the fucking news! What's wrong with the them all!?

And no, don't tell me I'm too stupid to use them, because I'm not. I've learned how to control my set now, and I still find it a goddamn bloody nuisance to have to reach for different remotes to adjust channels, volume, settings... or to simply switch the damn thing on!

Forget about educating electronics engineers. That's pearls before swine. Tar and feather them all, or beat them to pulp with their own remote controls, that's what I say! They don't deserve better.